Frustration

January should be a great month, a fresh new year to work with.  The problems of last year are in last year, the new ones haven't surfaced yet.  Holidays are finally over which means one of two things.  Either you had such a great time you are exhausted mentally and physically from all the fun or your family drove you crazy to the point that you are exhausted mentally and physically and your eye is permanently twitching.  January gives you time to rest, relax and recharge.  The NFL playoffs are underway and Hockey seems so much more fun once January comes around.  January has always been great down time for me, but not this year.

This year one nagging problem followed me into the new year, my knee.  I started running in July because I made the decision to take better care of myself.  Having runners in my family I figured Id give running a go.  I signed up for a 5K and started training.  The first time out I couldn't even run a half mile, it was pretty pathetic.  I kept at it and by September I was able to run a 5K which for me was an accomplishment.  I wanted to keep at it and sign up for another 5K before the year was over.  That plan got shot down by my knee.  I felt a pain in my knee while running one night and since then I haven't been back out.  My doctor looked at my knee and referred me to a physical therapist. 

Knee bursitis is the diagnosis I was given.  Basically I have a build up of fluid in my knee which is causing my knee to float around, not good for running.  I've been in physically therapy for about a month and it seems like things are worse than when I started.  The worst part is I really enjoyed running.  I've tried other forms of exercise but nothing has pulled me in like running has.  Maybe its getting out of the house, away from the wife and kids for a small time.  Maybe its just getting outside in the open air listening to music.  Maybe its just having a small amount of time to myself, with four kids I don't get a lot of time for me.  Whatever it is I enjoyed my runs, looked forward to them and now I miss them. 

So now I'm frustrated, wondering when I can get back out.  I know if I go out and start running again I'll just do further damage to my knee so I hold myself back.  I cant help but wonder if I've already lost all the momentum I built up over the last six months.  Will it be as hard as it was the first time?  Will a half mile feel like running a marathon?  I hope not and I don't think so.  I'm starting from a different point, I'm stronger now than I was last time and I'm 15 pounds lighter. My brain knows that I'm stronger and a bit lighter but still I cant help thinking I need to get back on that horse as soon as possible.  I cant help looking out at the street at night and feeling like I'm missing an old friend.  I cant help but feel like Ill be much happier once I get back to it.  Even writing this now makes me sad, wishing I could head out tonight.  Instead I'm left with frustration.  Frustration because I cant get back to it but more frustration because I don't have any clue when I will be able to.